The Spider’s Probe
I laid down to begin my meditation. Mystified by the beautiful colored lights within my mind’s eye I completely forgot where I was. Feeling the presence of someone beside me, I came back to reality. Realizing where I was I opened my eyes. There beside me kneeling on my bed was a transparent man. He was not human. He had long fingers with large bony knuckles and thick claw like fingernails that reminded me of the feet of a large bird like that of an ostrich. He did not frighten me nor intimidate me. He simply sat there observing me.
Above my face was swirling some form of robotic arm as if my meditation was being monitored by his kind. To let him know I wasn’t afraid I held out my right hand and wiggled my fingers at him in a scary gesture. I assumed the sight of my fingers would be just as foreign and frightening to him as his fingers once were to me. There wasn’t any reason for me to fear him. He simply sat there observing me as his probe spun a few inches in front of my face. I closed my eyes again and returned to my meditation. After about 15 or 20 minutes I allowed myself to drift off to sleep.
During the night, I had a dream. In the dream there is a man who wants me to carry out his business; his agenda. I however do not want to participate in his plot because by doing so I feel it places myself in legal jeopardy. Since I refuse to cooperate, he devises a strategy that will pull me into reacting and into the conflict at hand. It would force me to take action; to become involved thereby initiating his sequence of events.
I became lucid just as he is setting into motion the events that would naturally cause the desired reaction in me. Now lucid, I am consciously aware of his motives. What he set in motion violates my sovereignty and therefore I am forced to confront him. Now fully lucid, I walk over to him knowing he is concealing his true identity. I grab at his face to pull his mask off.
In that moment I awoke from the dream. I now had a transparent yellow spider about 3 feet long and 2 ½ feet wide crawling over me. I could also see my aura around me which seemed to have been invigorated by my renewed awareness. My aura was acting as a force field to shield me from the foreign invasion thereby protecting my sovereignty. Feeling protected, I starred the spider in the eyes as it backed off knowing I was fully aware of its presence. Afraid of me now it circled around and retreated until it disappeared.
I had a dream that I was staying up in Angeles Crest in the Angeles National Forest. I want to visit the nearby area so I set off on a pilgrimage down the Crest where I remembered as a child there being an observatory which sat atop a spire. I want to once again see the view of the city below from this observation point. This is where I was born. As I set off on the path I notice the many novelty shops along the way. I meet a vendor along the road who is wearing a poncho. He is an indigenous Shaman. I admire his poncho and ask him where he acquired it. He tells me there is a thrift store along the way to the spire. I make a note to myself to pick up a poncho for myself on my way back. He then gives me a phone to use in the event I get lost.I arrive at the spire in no time. The heights from this point are incredibly overwhelming. I feel the rush of feelings and emotions rise from the illusion screen below me. The illusion screen is like an IMAX theatre screen on which life itself is played out. Even though I know it to be an illusion, I can not help but feel the rush of emotions produced by the illusion. It is a kaleidoscope of emotion. It feels euphoric. It takes everything within my power to keep from being swept away. I want to head back but the many waves of emotion cause me to become disoriented. I can no longer remember which road I came down. I ask for help but no one seems to be able to offer assistance. I finally decide to descend the spire into the illusion to get my bearings straight. Once within the illusion, I become aware of the church choir room that sits off to the side of the church. I recognize it as the place where I used to perform. This room is hidden and those who perform here are never given any recognition for the value they bring to the church.
In this dream I am witness to my own processes. This person who I am watching (me) is an expert at entering and exiting 
I had a dream in which there were a group of sticky people who would stick to you and assimilate you. Their sticky nature was seen as a sexual act. If they stick to you, you in essence become them and you look to stick to others to spread your new cohesive nature. I was now one of them helping spread their intentions. They are cunning and have scissor hands with which to protect themselves. In the middle of this dream I awoke and there above my bed was floating the image of a man wearing a cowboy hat. From his right pupil I could see a red beam of light as if he had locked onto me as he would a target. He is the one who placed this dream in my mind. 
Last night’s dream was most interesting. I find myself on the fifth floor of a school house. Strangely I’m able to see through the walls and floors of the building. We have been tasked to re-arrange the furniture in such a way that would allow for the maintenance crew to easily access the interior spaces of the building. In re-arranging the furniture, I notice that as I re-arrange the furniture on my floor the furniture on the lower floors is also mysteriously re-arranged as if there is a trickle down effect. I realize my approach to re-arranging the furniture must be with an awareness of the global affect on all floors. Now with the ability to see the overall picture, I become aware that the arrangement I’ve chosen makes it impossible for the maintenance people to come in and do their work because the entrances to the living quarters are blocked on the lower floors. I’m then told that I have not properly considered how the maintenance people would be entering the building. I had assumed they would be entering through the front door. I’m then told the arrangement does work because the maintenance people are able to enter through the windows on every floor and are not limited to the use of the front door. Even with this description, I have a sense of being trapped. Unhappy with the arrangement I know there must be a better alternative. I determine there is a sofa on my floor that is the cause of the bottleneck and my sense of entrapment. The sofa is lodged tightly between some other furniture pieces. I begin jumping up and down on the sofa attempting to dislodge it when suddenly the sofa becomes dislodged. All the furniture is now floating as if the floors have completely disappeared. All the furniture now moves freely with grace and ease between the many floors. 
I am a fraternity pledge. Knowing this I’m now aware that the pledge master of the house has been ruthlessly working his pledges for his own personal interests. I want to expose him and free myself and the others who are under his control. I now have a clear path to freedom. I receive a signal from a fellow pledge who indicates to me that now is the time to run. I know I can fly. I know my powers are now greater and flight is now longer a matter of simply flapping my wings. I have the ability to soar free with merely a thought. I take a deep breath and soar to a point atop a high tower that is many stories tall. I turn to see the pain of my pledge brothers. I must free them. By seeing me, they know they are enslaved. They now know they can be set free. Standing atop the tower, I spread my wings. I can see my shadow upon the ground below and the incredible wingspan. They now know what is possible. Again I spread my wings shaking them and my body vigorously. I see the black talons on my back come loose. I am free.
This seemed an appropriate dream to place here. In the dream I am about to take a shower. I walk into the shower stall and turn on the water. I then notice the stream of water isn’t hitting me. The stream seems to be falling short vanishing in mid air. I step out of the shower to look at this peculiarity from a distance. Sure enough the water stream is vanishing just above where my head would be. Somehow I know the cause of the interference. It is the sonar stream; an intense sound wave that scatters the water and creates a fine mist. I stick my hand in to prove to myself that my hand would be wet if I passed it through the stream. I do so feeling my fingers. Sure enough my fingers are wet. I decide to attempt to take a shower allowing the stream to do its work. I have faith that my body will be cleansed when I am done. Upon stepping out of the shower my partner tells me that he has received an invitation. Knowing there is something strange going on here for which I need more direct answers to I decide to ask him a probing question. I’m now semi-lucid. Turning to him, I ask point-blank, “Where are they inviting you to?” Seemingly confused that I am asking him a probing question, he does not answer. Again I ask him sternly, “Where are they inviting you to?” I hear the sound of my voice clearly as it resonates within me waking me up from out of the dream. I maintain my dream awareness and remain in bed with my eyes closed. Tongue tied he still does not answer looking around not knowing what to do. Knowing I must get an answer from him before the dream slips, I again in an unwavering voice ask him, “WHERE ARE THEY INVITING YOU TO!?!” Somewhat annoyed, he finally answers, “I’m not gay.”
The funny thing is I had a great deal of turmoil arise after this dream in a personal situation which I’ll try to describe vaguely. Someone I know said something about someone else in a group of people. I don’t know the person he was talking about, but I did feel strongly that what he had said about the other person was slimy and very inappropriate and not in keeping with the spiritual principles and our traditions in recovery. I confronted the person about his actions. I also discussed my feelings without specifics to others. In the end, this person’s words came back around to bit him in the ass. He then accused me of having repeated what I heard him say of the other person to that person. I was unable to reason with him. The situation seemed to just get worse from there. He made all sorts of threatening comments to me and is now even threatening to sue me. Of course, I know it is all talk because there is no basis for a lawsuit. This could be what my dream was trying to alert me to. In the end, this person decided to to part with our support group. In essence this event killed his recovery because he could not face his own actions. The man is dead to his recovery.
