Comment on the last two dreams:
I vaguely remembered the story of Red Riding Hood from my childhood. I looked up the story on Wikipedia to see what else I might be able to glean off this last dream. I was struck by three things mentioned on Wikipedia about the fairy tale.

1) The symbol of RRH being cut out of the wolf’s belly as a representation of the dawning.

2) The story seen as a sexual awakening or a parable of sexual maturity.

3) As a warning to stay on the path.

It always amazes me how insightful my dreams are. What they reveal is always profound. Just last week I became willing to uncover another layer of my recovery that centers on sex and love issues. It has come as a result of my deep dissillusionment with the dating scene now that I am single. I’m just now getting to the point where I have sought out help from yet another support group in addition to my therapist. I have finally reached a point where I feel I can talk through my repressed and disassociated feelings. Many of these issues go back to my childhood. In my earlier dream where I am taking a shower to prepare myself for my date who is to arrive in 20 minutes, I instantly knew I had repressed layer upon layer (the t-shrirts) of childhood feelings regarding my sexuality. I need to work through those old feelings of feeling dirty and unclean in people’s eyes. I knew I was gay before I ever knew what sex was. I was probably in the 2nd grade a the time. I also know in order for me to ever have a healthy relationship in the future, I have to start by coming to terms with my behaviors surrounding my last relationship. On the bright side, it has the promise of being a short process, 20 minutes is not a long time to wait for a date to arrive into my life. I think most of the work has already been done. I’m already living a new life. The spiritual void I have been feeling as a result of my dissillusionment I believe God has given me so that I won’t gloss over my past as I have always done. I simply have to stop procrastinating and get in touch with those past feelings so that I can move forward and finally mature sexually.  I even signed up to go on a spiritual retreat with 33 other members of this support group for a weekend of workshops and sharing.  I’m looking forward to finally getting this stuff off my chest.  I’m going to purge it all and allow God to lighten my burdens.

Tags: Journal, Recovery //